thinking about the residency

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@Eyebeam I meander, would love an honorary residency, continuation of what I work on here, inner flesh, self-doubt, criticality, apotheosis of a Theory of Everythings: title of the book manuscript I'm working on. But I fit in awkwardly, unclear, problematic, messy; my connections are more to universities than digital media conferences or urban institutions. I do know I'm working more slowly than I'd like; the performances are occurring late in the residency, due most likely to family issues I couldn't control. My work deals more with internal psychic structures than anything else, theory without Lacan or Freud or Ettinger for example, so a kind of wandering that's at the heart of everything. My music/soundwork is the same - it's music without "music," I can't take a song or anything else for granted; every time I play it's an extension that could go horribly wrong and a lot of the resulting music is a suturing of that fragility - it's a kind of cover-up music. So it's putting something out in the world that's connected to the flesh and mind in a deep and problematic way, and that's interesting. But you need a space and time for thinking that through, a space of non-building, and Eyebeam is about building, organizing, collaborating, constructing. My collaborations on the other hand are uneasy, as if they come from a distance; nothing's taken for granted. From my viewpoint this is good for Eyebeam, but from Eyebeam's viewpoint I think it's a potential issue; if we overthink everything, nothing would happen. So I proceed on the assumption that I'm lucky to be here for the next three months, and will take what I can from it, give what I can to it. ... This also relates to the Window Gallery show I put up - it's held together by gravity and scotch tape; I left the pedestals unpainted, etc., since the show represents a process and a thinking, and not a production or product. ... This Sunday, tomorrow, we're playing informally at Unnameable Books in Brooklyn, Chris and Amanda and Wadih and myself, and we haven't played together before. So that should be interesting alone the same lines, but then who would want to support such tentative accumulation?